everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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