talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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