Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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