Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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