Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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