he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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