It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
