Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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