I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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