Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
