HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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