currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
