at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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