4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
