You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
