I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
