Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
