What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
