no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
