i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
