you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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