matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
