Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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