She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
