I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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