he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
