Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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