Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
