would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
