I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
