All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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