I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
