it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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