Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
A bitchslap is in order.
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