Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
