Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
