i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
