Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
