On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's the barista slut.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
