Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
