Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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