what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
