I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she smelled like a LAN party
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
