Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
