Whoa Z and x make the same sound
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
