You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
should my penis look like a turkey
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
