In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
