Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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