My hand turned me down
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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