i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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