Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
