gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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