Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
