You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
