I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
