I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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