A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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