I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
