I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
