You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
